dornald trimp's posts - Greek uPOST

God's Man on the Ground Donald Trump Questions Hillary Clinton's Religious Faith  God's Man on the Ground Donald Trump Questions Hillary Clinton's Religious Faith 

Donald Trump—a golden goose so loved by God he was transformed into a human man, only the Lord got tired midway through and paused for rest, never to resume—is a man of faith. He loves Two Corinthians. He goes toe-to-toe with that mean old Pope. And now, of course, he’s questioning Hillary Clinton’s Christianity.

Trump Wants to Ban Immigration From Countries with 'a History of Terrorism,' Which Means All of Them Trump Wants to Ban Immigration From Countries with 'a History of Terrorism,' Which Means All of Them

Donald Trump, a dangerous and stupid bigot who I do not have the heart to give a silly nickname to right now, renewed his call Monday to ban Muslims from immigrating to the United States. He also said as president he would ban immigration from countries with “a history of terrorism.” So, all of them. All the countries.

Donald Trump Congratulates Donald Trump For 'Breaking the Glass Ceiling' In Construction Industry Donald Trump Congratulates Donald Trump For 'Breaking the Glass Ceiling' In Construction Industry

Sputum-filled Orange Julius Donald Trump appeared on Fox News Monday night, to carry out one of his blitzkrieg attacks on both American ideals and the English language. He also found time to mention that he, personally, is responsible for women’s success in the construction industry. Who else, right?

Paul Ryan Finally Pressured Into Queasy Monogamy With Donald Trump  Paul Ryan Finally Pressured Into Queasy Monogamy With Donald Trump 

After weeks of hemming, hawing and scanning the room for the closest exits, House Speaker Paul Ryan has announced that he will vote for Donald Trump, an oversized wasp exoskeleton stuffed with old mustard. What a proud and exciting moment for us all.

Happy Long Weekend, Trump Clinched It Happy Long Weekend, Trump Clinched It

Welp, here it is: Donald Trump, a monument to human hubris crafted out of rotting Spam, has gone from presumptive nominee to actual nominee. Republicans, here is your bed, and we hope you enjoy lying in it.

Donald Trump's Spokesperson Accidentally Emails Reporter Cunning Plan to Attack Clinton on Whitewater Donald Trump's Spokesperson Accidentally Emails Reporter Cunning Plan to Attack Clinton on Whitewater

It’s another great day in the presidential campaign of stately hot dog casing Donald Trump, whose spokeswoman accidentally emailed a Politico reporter the inside details about a new plan to attack Hillary Clinton over a very old real estate scandal. Hope Hicks appears to have confused the reporter with a Trump…

Shocking Surprise Twist: Donald Trump and Megyn Kelly Are Fine Now 

In a twist no one (everyone) saw coming, Fox anchor Megyn Kelly and blackening scab artfully hiding in your Raisin Bran Donald Trump have patched up their feud. Their soft-focus, zealously cordial interview Tuesday night served to further legitimize Trump and to launch Kelly’s new career as solo host of her own…

Trump Organization Won't Sue Over Times Story About His Gross Behavior With Women After All  Trump Organization Won't Sue Over Times Story About His Gross Behavior With Women After All 

Donald Trump, a horsehair mattress stuffed with molding copies of Hustler, is deeply upset by a New York Times story suggesting he can be sexist and somewhat creepy in his private dealings with women. After petulantly tweeting about the story for a while, then calling CNN to yell about it, he moved on to the part…

I Can't Stop Watching Trump Rant About Hairspray and the Ozone Layer to a Group of Coal Miners I Can't Stop Watching Trump Rant About Hairspray and the Ozone Layer to a Group of Coal Miners

Malignant corn chip Donald Trump campaigned in West Virginia over the weekend, where he regaled an audience of coal miners with a series of impassioned thoughts about hairspray and how it can’t possibly affect the ozone layer. This is basically just performance art at this point.

RNC Chair: Donald Trump and His Taco Bowl Are 'Really Trying' RNC Chair: Donald Trump and His Taco Bowl Are 'Really Trying'

If you’re Reince Priebus, chairman of the Republican National Committee, you probably spend a good amount of time these days fielding angry phone calls and quietly wondering how hard it is, really, to just fake your own death and disappear. But sometimes you also have to go defend Donald Trump!

Who Wins When Donald Trump and Lena Dunham Feud About the Election? Who Wins When Donald Trump and Lena Dunham Feud About the Election?

It was always destined to come to this: Lena Dunham, a vocal Hillary Clinton supporter, and Donald Trump, a Day-Glo roadside billboard about jock itch, have engaged each other in a public fight. Let’s carefully ease into this one together while clinging frantically to the side of the pool and wishing we were someplace…

Oh

Trump Campaign Celebrates Primary Day With Two Threatened Defamation Suits and a Staff Meltdown Trump Campaign Celebrates Primary Day With Two Threatened Defamation Suits and a Staff Meltdown

It’s primary day in New York, which means two things: my Facebook feed will soon become momentarily less clotted with insufferable Democrat infighting, and Donald Trump’s campaign is facing another round of self-induced heavy bleeding that will, somehow, still not kill it.

Ben Carson: In Trump's Defense, He Didn't Think at All Before Saying Abortion Should Be Penalized 

On Thursday, Donald Trump, a disturbingly old Dennis the Menace impersonator, suggested that maybe abortions should be illegal and women who have them should be punished. He then semi-backtracked. Last night on CNN, Ben Carson, his most half-hearted endorser, argued that, in Trump’s defense, he didn’t think at all…

Anderson Cooper to Donald Trump: You're Literally Acting Like a Child  Anderson Cooper to Donald Trump: You're Literally Acting Like a Child 

CNN held a town hall last night for the remaining three GOP candidates, as though you don’t see them in your screeching nightmares every time you close your eyes. In the midst of a fairly friendly interview, Anderson Cooper found time to tell Donald Trump he’s acting like a fucking child.

Hey, Remember When Donald Trump Tried to Make a Reality Show to Reform 'Tramps'? Hey, Remember When Donald Trump Tried to Make a Reality Show to Reform 'Tramps'?

In the midst of his otherwise terrifying ascent, sloshing styrofoam takeout container filled with three-day-old mac and cheese Donald Trump has a woman problem. While we explore the continuing mystery of why ladies don’t want to vote for him, time for a reality TV flashback!

Donald Trump Hit On a Washington Post Editor After His Foreign Policy Interview Donald Trump Hit On a Washington Post Editor After His Foreign Policy Interview

Donald Trump had a meeting Monday with the Washington Post’s editorial board to lay out his foreign policy proposals. And because he’s a sticky, grabby, Cheeto-hued toddler with no sense of adult deportment (and hires people of a similar mindset), he also hit on a woman editor.

Continuing Outreach to Female Voters, Donald Trump Calls Megyn Kelly 'Crazy' Over and Over Continuing Outreach to Female Voters, Donald Trump Calls Megyn Kelly 'Crazy' Over and Over

Donald Trump, a carnivorous plant watered with irradiated bat urine, has a slight polling problem with about half of the female voting public, who have a “very unfavorable” view of him. Who could possibly guess why? Anywho, unrelated, Trump has a new moniker for Fox anchor and non-Trump fan Megyn Kelly:

All The Insults Donald Trump Has Tweeted About Ben Carson, Who's Now Endorsing Him  All The Insults Donald Trump Has Tweeted About Ben Carson, Who's Now Endorsing Him 

On Friday morning, man perpetually waking up from a five-hour nap Ben Carson endorsed former rival Donald Trump. The endorsement took place at a Trump-owned country club in Florida. Heartwarming! And also, while we’re here, a very good time to look back on all the nice things Donald Trump has said about his newest…

'Vote Trump' Billboard in Chicago Goes Up For Two Days, Is Vandalized Twice 

A billboard suggesting “Vote Trump” survived for two days on Chicago’s West Side, before being replaced first with pro-Bernie graffiti, then with a beautifully drawn alternate recommendation to “Fuck Trump.” The candidate, an animate scarecrow stuffed with the finest manure, is scheduled to speak at University of…

More dornald trimp's posts »

Language