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Kim Kardashian Wears Socks, You May Now Leave the House Kim Kardashian Wears Socks, You May Now Leave the House

ATTENTION: in a move being described as “fearless,” Kim Kardashian-West has appeared publicly in bike shorts, a fanny pack, the sweatshirt from my bottom drawer, commuting sneakers and socks, fucking socks–so that we may feel the sun on our faces once more.

Gigi Hadid and Zayn Malik Confirm They've Broken Up After 2 Years of Dating Gigi Hadid and Zayn Malik Confirm They've Broken Up After 2 Years of Dating

Sad news, everyone, extremely attractive power couple Zayn Malik and Gigi Hadid broke up! Who could have seen it coming? I certainly had not thought of either of these celebs recently enough to have made any salient predictions.

Kylie Had the Baby [UPDATES]

YES those were baby bumps. The father is Travis. It was real. It’s on social media. It’s a girl! The baby ate cheeseburgers in utero. The baby is three days old. Here is the video. Bonus: Chicago West debuts at 8:26!

Rude: Kylie Jenner Might Have Had the Baby Already Rude: Kylie Jenner Might Have Had the Baby Already

Baby bump detectives (everyone) are working hard on Kylie Jenner’s warped pregnancy timeline, and the puzzle is starting to look like a baby, ergo: omfg.

The Kardashians Keep Kopying Kim in the Kardashian Khristmas Special Teaser

Christmas may have well been cancelled last year when the Kardashians withheld their annual Christmas card, but rest assured, the tradition is back and there will be another awkwardly staged Kardashian Khristmas photo this year, as well as a hokey Christmas special.

Just When You Think the Kardashians Are Losing Relevance, Kim's Perfume Makes $10 Million In One Day Just When You Think the Kardashians Are Losing Relevance, Kim's Perfume Makes $10 Million In One Day

Just yesterday, I, a stupid person, watched Kim Kardashian’s interview on Ellen—the one where she refused to discuss the alleged pregnancies of her sisters Khloe and Kylie—and thought about how dull they all suddenly were. The E! machine has spent over 10 years squeezing stories out of this family, and their latest is…

Mila Kunis Donates to Planned Parenthood Monthly on Behalf of Mike Pence

Mila Kunis revealed on Conan that she donates to Planned Parenthood in Mike Pence’s name every month so that his office receives a thank-you note. Thank you, Mila Kunis!

The Kardashians Extend Their E! Contract for Five More Seasons

The Kardashians recently celebrated 10 years of Kris Jenner trying not to smile through every fake conversation on Keeping Up With the Kardashians. That streak will continue, ratings be damned, because E! has extended the family’s contract another five seasons for a total of $150 million through 2019.

Robert Pattinson Has Reportedly Broken Up With Fiancée FKA Twigs Robert Pattinson Has Reportedly Broken Up With Fiancée FKA Twigs

Back in July, Robert Pattinson told Howard Stern that he and his then fiancé FKA Twigs were actually just “kind of” engaged, and it looks like he meant it.

Your Guide to the Probable Jenner Fetus Your Guide to the Probable Jenner Fetus

Another Kardashian-Jenner clan member is conceived (allegedly), according to the whole entire internet. TMZ broke the news yesterday that Kylie Jenner is pregnant with Travis Scott’s child, and today, CNN has backed up the news from two sources.

Madonna And the Fat Jew: a Union of Debauchery Which Gladdens the Heart

Yeah, Madonna’s bandwagoning with every singer/songwriter/actress/Kardashian to launch a beauty product line, but I can get with this commercial which neither terrifies me nor reminds me of my hideousness only fixable by slathering my face with product named after a sexy tropical fruit which will make me a bad bitch.…

Paris Hilton Goes to Burning Man Again 

Paris Hilton is at Burning Man for the second time, which means it’s selfie time on the playa byotchezzzzz. She appears to be wandering through the desert swathed in gold lamé and pink fur, leading around a squad and a professional photographer and somebody to pick up her poop because it is camping, after all. Here…

The Kardashians' Long National Kroma Makeup Nightmare Is Over The Kardashians' Long National Kroma Makeup Nightmare Is Over

The confusing three-year court battle between the Kardashian sisters and Kroma Makeup has reportedly come to an end, so now both parties can get their beauty rest.

Kylie Jenner Says You Don't Really Know Kylie in Life of Kylie Teaser Kylie Jenner Says You Don't Really Know Kylie in Life of Kylie Teaser

Life of Kylie, a series based on the business of being Kylie Jenner, is the latest spin-off from the Kardashian-Jenner manufacturing plant. In this 30-second teaser for the show, which premieres July 6, the voice of Kylie recites a series of vague declarations: “When you grow up on camera, everybody feels like they…

Blac Chyna Will Never Own the Name Angela Kardashian Blac Chyna Will Never Own the Name Angela Kardashian

It looks like Rob Kardashian and Blac Chyna are over and so is the dream.

Some Overly Complicated Notes on Kim Kardashian's Obsession With Nostalgic Photography  Some Overly Complicated Notes on Kim Kardashian's Obsession With Nostalgic Photography 

Kim Kardashian has been consumed by 1989. Not the actual year but the look of the year or, perhaps more accurately, an idea of what the year should look like in photographs. The actual year is arbitrary, merely a point to describe Kardashian’s new photographic aesthetic. Her newest obsession, the stylized…

This Vanity Fair Profile of David Foster Is Packed With Really Weird Anecdotes  This Vanity Fair Profile of David Foster Is Packed With Really Weird Anecdotes 

David Foster, award-winning composer/producer and Hollywood patriarch, never came off particularly well when he appeared on the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, which starred his now ex-wife Yolanda Hadid. He was portrayed on the show as sort of slimy and self-important; Yolanda fluttered around him, exerting a wild…

Do Not Put Fraudulent Shade in Mariah Carey's Mouth  Do Not Put Fraudulent Shade in Mariah Carey's Mouth 

Let me anger bigots around the country by wishing you a very happy holidays.

Sofia Vergara Is Being Sued By Her Frozen Embryos, ‘Emma’ and ‘Isabella’ Sofia Vergara Is Being Sued By Her Frozen Embryos, ‘Emma’ and ‘Isabella’

Jesus tap dancing Christ, the battle over Sofia Vergara’s frozen embryos (apparently named Emma and Isabella) will never end, and—after an absence from the celebrity news headlines—has gotten darker than I ever thought it would become. A new “right-to-live” lawsuit on behalf of her fertilized (by ex-husband Nick Loeb)…

Six Celestial Quotes from GQ's Interview With 'FoodGōd' Jonathan Cheban Six Celestial Quotes from GQ's Interview With 'FoodGōd' Jonathan Cheban

Jonathan Cheban, a carbon-based being who has somehow lucked into the profession of Kardashian Friend, was interviewed by GQ’s Joshua David Stein. The interview went very well.

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